Just thoughts

There are times in my life when I am glad I'm a solitary sort of person. It allows me to not have to put up a front for people. You see, most people have this constant group of people, friends, and/or family that surround them always. And with these people comes this need for most people to put on a happy face, or rather to be who everyone expects them to.

I have found that when I am around most people this is what I do. The real me is so complex and complicated, I feel like they'd never understand, whoever "they" may be. In this sense, solitude works. There is no feeling like you have to be a certain way. You can just be you, I can just be me. Here at my computer, at the blogger. I am me.

Then there are other times, when the loneliness kicks in and I feel, well, alone. Times when I wish I had that circle of friends to fall back on. But then again, from experience, "friends" let you down, most do anyway, there are those few who don't. My best friends live nowhere near me, but I know that they are there, and they accept me for who I am and for who I am not. I think that's the best part of true friendship, being able to accept another person just as they are.

So, maybe I don't have to be sad that I don't have that circle of friends that are always near me; it's less of a facade to put on.

So, yeah. :)

What a day!

What a day! The people I work for are insane, I've got a new position at work, and what promises to be more stress, and a man who wants to "hit it" but won't stop talkin about other women! lol what day what a day!

It's been a long day. Found out today that I'll be taking on a new job in place of what I was doing up until today. I'm glad to be working, but there is so much uncertainty at that place that it's making me a little nuts.

Heh, anyway, time for bed y'all, g'nite, and thanks to those of you who read this crap. lol.

"One April Day"

One April Day

by Stephin Merrit

One April day

We'll go miles away

And I will turn to you and I'll say

I've always loved you in my way

I'll always loved you in my way

----------------------------------------

Sort of explains some loves, the love in some families. Those like mine who don't really talk much.

Family is Like a Drag Queen

A family is a funny thing, for me anyway. It's kinda like a...hmm... lol kinda like a drag queen. From a distance it's a beautiful thing, but after you get up close and take a good look, you see the reality of the situation, all the imperfections, and all the things that just aren't right. What you see at first and from a distance, is really not what you get.

I moved away three months ago, 500 miles away from my hometown. My family came to visit this weekend. We had a great time. I'd missed them, so had my daughters. It had been kept a secret from the girls so that my mom could suprise them. We woke up early and I told them we were going to my sister's house to visit. Little did they know that my parents and my other sister were there waiting to see them. It was a nice reunion. We spent some quality family time together, laughed, and shared memories.

As the hours rolled on, the many imperfections in my family became clearer and clearer. Mind you, we all have families like this. All families have their problems and issues. It was just kinda funny how as the day went on, the joy of seeing my beloved family turned into weariness of the same ol' crap I used to deal with when I lived with them. I love them, always will, it was just...funny. Not funny haha, just funny strange, like drag. :)

As they left, a sense of loneliness swept over me. I'll miss them, and all the imperfections of my family. Love is strange isn't it? lol

*smiles contentedly and plays "One April Day" by Stephin Merrit* :)

Hmm...it's times like these that make me lonely. lol. I need a hug.

G'nite.

Just a note

Just a quick note before I get to bed. It's funny how life takes you places you never really thought you'd be. Not funny haha but more like funny odd. Even though I'm 500 miles from "home", where I work, so many people are from "the valley." It's so strange how even though we're so far from our hometowns, valleyites seem to congregate.

That new song by Nickleback, oh what's it called. The one that sounds so very...reminiscent of good old times back home, it makes me smile. Reminds me of home and how glad I am to live where I am. It's a new beginning, a new life, and a better future for my children. :)

:-)

Wow has it really been two months since my last entry?!! Amazing how time flies. Let's see...where to begin? Updates...things seem to finally be settling here in the Dallas area. The kids have adjusted well, superbly, actually. Me, I'm actually doing quite well. I've not been online very much though, hence the delay in blogging. Dial up bites. :)

The state fair is in town, and the girls and I had a blast there. It's a cool place to sit and watch people. The girls rode their very first roller coaster and had so much fun. I'm hoping to go back before the end of it. Pics of that roller coaster ride are posted.

I am now employed again. Feels good to be doing something outside of the house, something constructive. I'm a caseworker. Looks like it'll be a lot of work, but I'm looking forward to the experience it offers and being able to help kids.

Hmm, what else is there to tell? It's a bit difficult to write an update on these things. Most of my writing is emotional and a way to vent when emotions get to be too much. This isn't the case today. I'm tired, but not sad or angry or depressed, I'm actually a bit happy. Thank God. lol.
That's all for now...toodles! :)

FOR YOU

simply going about my day

i stop and think of you

hope you know it

and really, i know you do

my friend i love you

know i always will

even when i can't say it

know i love you still