What Goes Around Comes Around...but does it always?

I'm not exactly sure what to call it...but it is what it is. I've never been the vindictive type, nor do I wish anyone ill will. I've always figured that the things we do will come back to us, whether those things be good or bad. However, I never really expected to actually see one of these things come back to bite my ex-hubby in the ass...or his wife. But...it did.

Saturday was an especially long day. My work day started at 6am and ended around 4 with a six hour drive somewhere in between there. The evening was spent at the "Relay for Life", a celebration of life for cancer survivors and fundraising event for cancer research. I was there because at my other job we work with breast cancer patients, so as a work team we decided to participate. We each raised money and then were signed up to walk for an hour or so for the relay. So during one of the laps, my ex-husband calls, sounding upset. I couldn't hear him well so I told him I'd call him in a bit. Eventually we talked and he told me that he and his wife had split up. He was taking it really hard and needed to bend an ear...no naturally or rather...oddly he thought to call me since I would give him (according to him) unbiased advice. Go figure...I told him I thought that was ironic and sort of laughed it off. He went on to tell me of an unfortunate arguement that they'd had that resulted in him getting a charge of assault against him for "grabbing her wrist." Now he's faced with possibly losing his job and thus his only source of income. Which is a pretty scary thing when you think of the responsibility of child support for four children. So we talked, he asked about the pain that I felt when he did all he did, how I coped and moved on. He apologized profusely for ever hurting me. I suggested he speak to his wife and try to work things out, if that was what he wanted. Told him about how the kids would hurt in the long run and that if reconciliation were possible to really make the effort. I let him vent until he was exhausted and decided to try to sleep.

He calls the next morning and asks if he can see the kids. My oldest was at a Girl Scout function but, I told him the youngest was here and he could come by to see her. So he tells me ok and that he's outside. Hehe, kind of funny I thought. I sent her out to see him and follwed her a little while afterwards. He was hugging her and quite emotional. I felt bad for him, empathetic I suppose, knowing the pain he was feeling. We talked again and this time he told me why they'd split up. It was, mostly his fault; this I knew, even without him telling me. Again I suggested he talk to her and perhaps marriage counseling and personal counseling for him. He said he thought it was really over and didn't know what to do. He thanked me and apologized again and left shortly after.

Now, most women in my situation would tell the motherfucker too fucking bad and hang up on him at the first phone call. I laughed at myself after that first evening wondering why it was that I was unable to treat him with such malice and disdain. At one point he said that if she caused him to lose his job, he's make sure she was unable to accomplish one of her goals because he "knew" stuff about her. I made it a point to ask him if I'd ever treated him with vengefulness. He said no. I told him that being vengeful towards her would not bring him peace and that I knew being vengeful towards him wouldn't bring me peace and that was why I never did it.

A friend of mine said that it seemed that a chapter in my life had finally closed. The unfinished business with that person was completed. He finally accepted responsibility for what he had done in our relationship and for hurting me.

There were times during our conversations where I felt this terrible feeling of satisfaction that he finally knew how it felt to be hurt. Satisfaction that he realized and finally admitted what he'd done. I never wished him or his wife pain or suffering.

*This entry took me about a week to finally finish. It was hard to articulate everything swimming in my mind.

A few days after I started this entry, I spoke with my ex. He said that he and his wife had reconciled. I hope they make it, for their children's sake, and for the sake of the relationship their children have with mine.